15 months gone by...

...and I love her even more than I did the first time I saw her!
I realized today that I haven't written here for a year, WOW time flies!  If I want this to be a document that I save for Edy when she is older than I better keep writing.

 In the past year life has become so much more amazing.  Our little family has had its' bumps in the road, but all in all it has been the most amazing year.  Edy is a healthy, happy, beautiful little girl.  She has hit all her milestones, crawling, walking, starting to use words and now starting next week she will be starting her first day of day care! I am a nervous reck!  We were soooo lucky that she got to stay home last year, but we thought it would be great for her to start meeting some other kids and getting socialized! So 2 days a week she will be going to "The Cottage" the school district preschool.  I think the program is great and the teacher she will have is amazing.  My concern though is that she will scream and cry all day...luckily my classroom is just down the hill from her school and they can call me if they need to but what a night mare for Edy, for her teachers and for us.  I think she will be fine!;)


I also just can't believe she is going to "school" where has the time gone.  She has really turned into this amazing little human, she is funny and smart.  Has her own little quirks, like when we go to the market (her favorite place to go) she squeals at that top of her lungs in joy as we roll down the isles.  If you aren't looking at her face you would think she was in some sort of horrible pain, but if you see her face, you can see she is so happy and squealing is how she shows how happy she is!!  So many little things about her that make her unique.  Every day I can notice something new that she is doing, it is so amazing!  I have watched kids grow up before, but always from a distance, never this up close and personal, I am loving every minute of it!

walkin' in the park!

Our future Rock Climber!

She starting walking mid summer and we have just loved seeing this happen.  With walking though does come some other difficulties.  Like she disappears quickly, and tries to climb on everything!
She can also now get into everything.  She especially like to play in the pantry closet and the cereal cabinet.

In the past year, we have done so many things, I couldn't possible talk about them all, but here are some highlights!
Cross Country Skiing
Trip up the Gondola
Camping
Nuggets Game
Concerts
Hikes
Going to Hot Springs
California Trip #2
Bike rides
and many more I can't think of right now!
Our life with out Edy would be so incomplete, I still get teary eyed just looking at her sometimes!  I can't wait for the next year to unfold!

6 months

Edy is 6 months today.  The time has just flown by.
This may sound funny, but sometimes I can't believe she is mine.  I was walking in the grocery store the other day with her in the Baby Bjorn on my chest.  People were smiling at her and admiring her making comments on her cuteness.  I thought to myself, gosh I feel like an impostor.  Is it true is she all mine.  I sometimes feel like I am just the baby sister of this beautiful, perfect little being and that I will have to give her back to some family later.  I just simply cannot believe that after at least 10 years of hoping and wishing, that I would have a baby, that she is finally here and she is all mine!!!

Being a mom and really family is all I have ever wanted, but I still find myself shocked that it actually has happened.  I feel so lucky to have a healthy baby and boyfriend, to be healthy myself and to have so much love in my life.  It is amazing that only 6 months ago Rock and I were just 2 people who loved each other and lived in together and now we are a family.  I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure it isn't a dream!

The family!

a funny little bunny on Halloween!

We went to the Dr. Today she is growing just right, tall and skinny as she has always been.  Meeting all the milestones at the correct rate.  The Dr. says she is just perfect, he may say that to all the new moms, but in my case I think he really means it.  

I find myself so much happier these days.  Nothing can get me down for very long.  When I find myself getting sad or depressed all I have to do is think about my little girl and a big smile comes across my face.  

I was thinking on my drive to work about when we were in the hospital 6 months ago, sitting on the labor bed with our midwife, my parents, my sister and Rock at my side-literally he was my Rock that night!  I had this vision as I was driving to school of the midwife telling me what was happening and that I needed to push and as painful as it was it was also so enjoyable.  I loved the thought that I was bringing new life into this world.  The pain was excruciating and blissful at the same time.  

Ever since Edy arrived people have been asking me "when are you having another?" "Will Edy have a brother or Sister some day?". I have said "maybe, I don't know, Some day...far from now".  But this morning thinking of the day that Edy was born and that Excruciating Blissfulness made me think that I would love to do it again.

I know it isn't realistic to have another child now, but I do think that someday I would love to go through all of this again.  Right now though, I am so excited for the next 6 months of Edy's life, I think we are in for a wild ride as her changes are just going to happen faster and faster.

Well...it has been 5.5 months since our sweet Edy entered this world.  An adventure for sure.  She has changed so much since we brought that home tiny 5.5LB infant to the 15 LB baby she is now.

1 month

5 months

She doesn't even look like the same kid!  She has now rounded out quite well! Her head is the nice round shape you see on commercials, no longer skeletal looking.  She has some meat on her bones and her eyes have grown into her body.  

She has now tripled her birth weight.   Carrying her in the car seat a huge load since the car seat weights about 20 lbs itself add her and you have 35 lb weight to carry up the stairs.  She moving up diaper sizes like crazy, can fit in a 3 even though there a bit big.  

She has even started eating some solid food. I bought the baby food maker!  Going to make my own.  With all the new contraptions out on the market these days it is a wonder why everybody doesn't make their babies food, it is so easy!  I have made carrots, green beans and acorn squash.  Chop it up and throw it in the steamer/blender, set the timer and 25 minutes later there is baby food, perfectly cooked and blended to the correct consistency, throw it some tupperware and freeze and you're all set!  It is amazing!I wish I had a bigger freezer!!

Clothes that were given to us when she was born that were size 3-6 months and we thought would be forever till they fit her...are now fitting her.  It is all going so quickly I just want to make the time stop!

Working full time has it's benefits and challenges.  the money is a benefit as is the insurance (although not the best), the adult interaction with coworkers and joy that I get from it.  But leaving the house every morning, is heart breaking, I have to literally hold back tears when I kiss my little Edy-pie good by.  I  want to crawl back in bed and snuggle all day.  Watch Edy play and learn, dry her tears and enjoy her smiles and laughter, but alas, work is waiting and I head out the door and am on my way.  I dream of the days that I take off to be with her and Rock and the doggies.  I am so lucky to have collected personal/sick days over the past 7 years, having only used 1 or 2 each year meaning that when Edy was born I had 50 some days to use.  I used some at the end of last school year rather than maternity leave which is unpaid and left the rest for this year, knowing that I would need days for when she was sick, or I was, or for days like today that I just needed a day to spend with my precious one.  Some may say I should feel guilty for this and in all actuality I do to some degree.  Work has always been the priority in my life it has been what defined me, it still does and it still is a major priority.  But...as I was warned by many friends, once I had this beautiful baby, my priorities changed.  Family is first!  

So I take a day off here and there, wake up late, eat breakfast with Edy watch the morning news and just enjoy being a mom hanging out with her daughter!  I need to take advantage of this time as I know before I can blink she won't want to hang out with her old mom any more!

So today, I am taking the time to love her and snuggle her and watch her grow...it's going to be a good day!

Healthy Baby

I can't believe I haven't written about breastfeeding yet...
I love breastfeeding knowing that what I am providing for my baby will help her be healthy for the rest of her life.  I can't believe that some woman actually go into pregnancy planning NOT to breastfeed.  I know that after the baby is here there are several reasons why some woman cannot breastfeed, but I don't understand the women who choose not to from the get go?  I guess that is just me...
All the research I have found says that breastfeeding is the single best thing you can do for your child.  I have a friend, who recently said to me, "I hope you plan to breastfeed for a long time".  I told him at least year for sure.  He was so happy as he blames his chronic flus, colds and allergies on not having been breastfed as a baby.
I am also part of an online site for moms www.babycenter.com there have been many new moms on there that have said that breastfeeding was just too much for them, too hard, too painful, too time consuming, so they give it up after 5-6 weeks. For me, it has been none of these.  I have only had one painful week when I had a clogged duct.  If you like spending time with your baby then it isn't too time consuming and with the help of the lactation consultant and nurses at the hospital, it has been easy.  When I had to start pumping when I went back to work, Rock and I would actually get into fights when I got home if he had a bit of bottle left to feed her that he didn't want to waist, and I wanted to breastfeed her.  Breastfeeding was the strongest bond I had to her after being gone all day at work and I didn't want him to take that from me...I have mellowed a bit on this since that very rough first week.

I am also shocked at the crap that people are willing to put into their children's bodies.  I am not saying I am perfect or ever will be.  Edy will some day eat at McDonalds, have a Coke and even possibly a loathsome Lunchable.
BUT...the other day we were walking into Walmart, a mom, my age maybe with a 1 year old was saying to her daughter, "oh honey, your pants are all wet, did you spill your Coke on yourself?"  It was all I could do not to choke.  Coke? a 1 year old.  Now this was a mom who looked educated, wasn't 18, looked relatively healthy.  Why in the world would she let her 1 year old beautiful baby girl drink a Coke.  We also recently watched a Documentary on a family in West Virginia...yes I know all the stereotypes, but really these people must never have seen a TV show? or newspaper or even a trashy magazine that said how bad it was to put Coke, Mt. Dew and Sprite into your baby's (8 months at most) bottle? Also had they not seen the memo that smoking, doing lines and drinking excessively in front of their children, isn't the best way to help your kids get into college, as they were all saying they wanted for their kids?
So let's say that these people from West Virginia, and even the woman at Walmart hadn't seen any articles or news shows on how to help your children be healthy...to me it is common sense.  These people have some street smarts, they are intelligent in some way.  Couldn't they figure this out themselves? and no I am not buying the whole it is too expensive to buy formula, baby food, etc.  I would give my left leg to feed Edy in a healthy way, I would eat Ramon Noodles every meal if I had to so that she could eat healthy food, I hope it never gets to that but I would.  Isn't that what you do for your kids.  You love them and provide for them so that they can have a better life than you had?  That is the ideal at least.
In order to have a healthy child you have to make those healthy decisions for them.
I am so lucky that I have been able to successfully breastfeed and hope that my efforts will benefit Edy for years to come.  I am priveledged to be able to feed her healthily as she gets older and am excited for the journey.  I find myself already planning the future meals we will have.   I am waiting by the door for my babyfood maker to arrive...I make everything else from scratch, why not this too!

What is in a name...

It is a wonder any child learns their real name.  We named Edy so people would call her Edy.
After being a teacher for 9 years there were at least 20 mix ups with names.  We wait all summer to get that list of who will be in our class, you would be amazed how much anxiety this creates for teachers.  Finally that first week of August we get it.   We are so excited to start labeling everything, cubbies, desks, chairs, supply boxes, book boxes...This list of names is somewhat like Gold, and we love labeling things.  So we start-John, Marjorie, Jeffery, Steven, Jasmine, Lawrence, Louis, Ben, Albert, Jennifer.  We continue to label until our little label makers are burnt out.  Then school starts, the rush of kids and parents come in, they find their cubbies, desks, supply boxes.  But; "wait, my name isn't here"?    Teacher don't you understand?  Do these kids really not recognize there names? Parents are getting angry.  Isn't your name Marjorie"?  The mother looks at me as if I am an idiot the daughter says; "NO my name is Maggie."
Isn't your name Lawrence? NO! My name is LJ.
Isn't your name Albert? NO! My name is Jay
WHAT!!!
Parents if you want your child to be called Maggie...name her Maggie.  If you want your child to be called Jay call him Jay or at least something in the same name family.  This drives your poor teacher crazy.  There is talk about it every year around the coffee maker.  " Damn it I have to relabel everything...I just found out Albert is really Jay".  We all look at each other understandingly knowing nothing can be done.  We take what is on the child's Birth Certificate as the truth, we have to by law!

So this is why Edy is Edy, not Elizabeth or Edith, or Edwina...Edy.  She will be called Edy, she will learn to recognize the name Edy and she will, hopefully, answer to the name Edy...or will she?

Right now her name is Boo, Bunka Boo, GA, Booba.  Since she was born I think we have used her actual name when talking directly to her, maybe 30 times.  When you start becoming fluent in baby talk, you start calling them what they react to.  You start rhyming, anything to get a little smile or an eye twinkle.  At the moment the name Edy or even sing song Edy E! doesn't get a reaction.  GOO GA,  and Booba and Bunka Boo do! At the moment she must think that these ridiculous sounds are her name.
I am willing to bet that I am not the first person to nick name my child with....well baby sounds.  But I wonder...when do they start really learning their names?  Will she know that Edy is her name?

I will start trying to use her name more often and then and only then I will refer to myself as mom and Rock as daddy.  We'll see!

Hi all...I did not write the following "story" but felt that it captures all that I have been trying to say in this blog since I started it.  If you are a mom...try not to cry, I bet you can't do it!  Enjoy the read.
Love, 
Jen


We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations." But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. 

I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. 

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by Motherhood. 

She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. 

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years -- not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. 

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. 

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts. 

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift. . . that of being a Mother.

I have been waiting all my life...

The other day I had someone say to me, "you are too attached to Edy".  This was after me telling them that I had gone home early from work crying.  It started with me calling home to see how she was doing.  I could hear the frustration in Rock's voice and Edy fussing in the background.  Rock told me she was having a rough day.  I called later and could hear her again crying and fussing.  That was it...the tears started rolling and I couldn't get them to stop.  I know that hormones probably have a lot to do with this, but I just couldn't wait to get home to Edy to help her feel better.  So I asked my boss, and being understanding as she is she said for me to get home as quickly as I could. 

As I was telling this story to someone, they said, "grow up...your too attached".  At the moment I was too shocked to say anything.  I have never been good with instant come backs.  But as I mulled over it that night and all the next day.  As I do when things bother me I thought,  wait a minute,  I am NOT too attached.  I have Waited all my life to meet this little person and I have only had her here for 4 months.  I don't want to leave her and being that attached to someone I have waited my whole life for is not too attached. 

I feel the same way about leaving her with other people.  Leaving her my first week back to school was like torture.  I cried every morning on my way to work.  Knowing she is with her dad helps, but still is painful.  As I said in a previous post.  Being without her is like missing a body part.  All day I think about her what she may be doing at that moment. What I am missing her do. 

On the weekends and at night I just want to be with her.  I am not sure I will be comfortable leaving her with a babysitter any time in the near future.  It isn't that I don't trust others, I do. It is that I want to be with her, hold her, watch her grow.  Like I said, I have been waiting my whole life for this little person, I am going to spend every second I can with her!

So to those who think I am too attached...Get over it!  I could only hope that all moms were as attached as I am!