Ok, so it has been said that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have, right? Well it is. Constantly worrying if the moves you make will affect the future of your child. No matter how irrational I think I am being I can't help but think that everything I do is affecting little Edy's future personality.
If I feed her every time she wants will that make her an overeater, will it be my fault that she is over weight?
If I don't feed her every time she wants will she have body image issues? Be too skinny?
If We speak in a voice louder than a whisper will she think we're yelling and feel emotionally drained?
The list of worries goes on and on.
I try very hard to not let my worrying get the best of me or make me change the way I want to parent. I also try extremely hard not to let others see the fear in my eyes, I want others to think that I am a confident new mom ready to take on the world...When in reality I know I have been making mistakes left and right! Maybe not huge ones but ones that make me cringe!
It may just be "mom brain" forgetting things but still it make me second guess myself.
The other day Edy and I had gone on a walk, she sits in her car seat while in the stroller, I usually don't buckle the entire seat when we are just strolling, only buckling the shoulder straps and keeping them loose while walking. When we got back to the house we transferred right into the car. When we got to our new destination by car, I went to take her out and was horrified to realize that when I had transferred our little bundle to the car I had completely forgotten to tighten the straps and give her the full straight jacket-buckling all the points of the car seat! I thanked God (whom I don't know if I believe in) for making sure we had gotten to our destination safely, and promised myself to always double check!
I have always had a poor memory, I am not one of these people who remembers the song that was playing during her first kiss, or on the day she met her best friend. I don't remember conversations that happened a week ago and for sure forget about arguments that happened more than a week ago. It has always been a bit frustrating to me to not remember these things, but also probably a bit of a blessing in disguise. If I can't remember than I can hold a grudge..right?
But recently, YIKES, I really can't remember things. I have misplaced the car keys at least 3 times in the last 2 weeks. My wallet goes missing on a daily basis. I forget to stop by and pick things up that I need. My grocery list is always left on the fridge door rather than coming with me to the market, making what used to be one of the most relaxing things for me one of the most stressful as I wonder through the aisles with my already fried brain, trying to remember what was on that list...DAMN IT!
It is a wonder I haven't forgotten the baby.
So every night I come home and relax with the baby and think which of the "mistakes" that I made today will affect this little one forever? All of them? none of them? I guess I'll never really know, I'll just keep doing my best. This job really is the hardest one I have ever had!! But also the most enjoyable!
No comments:
Post a Comment